I feel so numb...

So looks like I cant quit till I find another job. My mom wont let me. She was so angry, bitter, and rude to me this morning when I told her what I wanted to do. She dosen't understand at all... and thinks Im just complaining and having a pitty party for myslef. If she just once came to work and saw what I have to deal with then maybe she'd understand. Im going job hunting this morning and after work. I WANT OUT! I want out of the day care... :( I just want to cry right now...

It's Finally Time...

Its 4:11 in the morning... I haven't slept a wink this whole night. I feel sick mentaly and physically. Im angry, depressed, upset, confussed, excited and nervous all at the same time. Tomorrow, if I am brave enough, I am quiting the day care, putting in my two weeks and thats that. I can just not take it anymore. Today was one of the worst days Ive ever had in my life. You know work is bad when you mumble in your head that you want to die... thats how I felt today. The day care was the last place in the world that I wanted to be. The kids were HORRIBLE today, HORRIBLE... in almost 3 years today was the worst day Ive worked there except for a couple days the first summer I worked there that were worse. The kids didn't even behave like children today, more like wild animals in a jungle. Tearing everything down in the classroom, throwing toys, screaming, running around, fighting, hitting... messing up every possible thing they could just to be BAD! They know when they are being bad, and they know what are "No no's." I tell them over and over not to do stuff and they just do it any way and smile at me! All the kids were hitting me today! idk... when a child hits me, it like stirs something in me, it either makes me angry, or depressed, today was a mixture of both, but at first I was just angry! One kid was trying to hit me, and I screamed at him to stop, and well acleast that got his attention, he was scared after that and started crying. Ive never screamed before like that, but he would just not stop hitting me! I was like flabergasted! The kids were out of control!! All I want to do is give these kids spankings, they freaking need it! Time out dose NOT WORK! I dont care what freaking psycology books say, time out is bull crap! The kids wont even stay in time out, they just smile at me and think its funny! Then run around and I cant get them to stay there. Ive tried even sitting on the floor and holding them there, but I cant do that for long becasue other kids are getting into trouble and I have to stop them. Its a visciouis cycle. Ive been patient, Ive tried practically everything, Ive been at the day care for 3 years, and I just cant do it anymore. It was like something snapped in me today, and all I had was this ragging desire to just quit right there on the spot. I seriously almost just went in the office to tell them I wanted to put in my two weeks. But I decided to think it over tonight. but yeah... Ive never had that bad of a desire to want to quit before. I guess that must mean its time then. Im ready to try something new, work with people my own age, and not have to watch other peoples children all day. Ive tried teaching them manners, how to be nice to each other and what not, but if they aren't leanring at home or getting disipline, there is no way they are going to at the day care, especially with all the other kids there. I just gave up today. Im done. And now I want more then ever out. So I hope after I put in my two weeks the two weeks go by fast. Im going to start job hunting and praying for God to open up a new job for me. I just... yeah.... sorry for ranting... Its helping me get it all out... maybe now I can fall asleep... hopefully... sorry again... and especially to you Mattie... I know I should'nt complain... cause I know you have it way worse. :( *sigh*... Im really sorry....

I do feel bad about quiting how ever... I feel bad its so out of the blue, and I will miss a lot of people there, like my two bosses Sharon and Felicia, I'll miss Kathy, and Becky a lot, and a couple other of the girls that work there. I'll feel bad they will have to find some one... and Im sure they wont be happy with me, and maybe even be mad at me... but this is the one time in my life where I feel I HAVE to be selfish and want whats best for me rather then other people. :( Like that episode in Fruits Basket when Kyo tells Tohru to say how she feels, get upset, say whats on your mind, and tell people what you want; and that its what you have to do some times... I feel this is one of those times... Its finally here. Im scared to death, but Im ready. Pray for me tomorrow that it goes good, and they wont be to mad at me... thanks guys for reading.
Love you.

You should come and see the green grass

This is a beautiful song, you should listen to it. ^^

I Couldn't sleep last night. My nights lately have been really restless. :( Some times so much is on my mind. Im trying to get up earlier in the morning and go to bed earlier. It may be my sleep pattern is all messed up. I woke up early this morning and had a lovely breakfast. Now Im sitting here and pondering many things. I love to think about God, and all the simple things in life. Like grass and trees, flowers and birds... they are so simple, but beautiful. Some times its really just the simple things in life that I enjoy the most. Those quite times with the lord, working in the garden pulling weeds, taking a walk to the park, reading a book, drawing, looking at the stars. Ive been trying to slow down my life a bit, and really enjoy the simple things.

Some times it feels like life is just flying by... and I also feel I worry to much. And worrying is a sin... it keeps me up at night and also gives me awful anxiety at times. Like I worry about going into work, or baby sitting on thursday. Or worry I haven't been living the life I should for God, or worrying Ive been a bad friend, or girl friend, or worrying I wont make it in animation. Ive really been trying to turn to God lately for my peace and comfort from worry. He's the only one who can satisfiy. God is amazing... his love is so powerful. My heart feels so soft when I think about how much God loves me. How much he loves everyone. I just want everyone to feel Gods love too. ^_^

This was my breakfast this morning. :)

Saturday/Sunday

Hello everyone! This weekend was amazing. :D Well Saturday in the morning my mom was sitting out on the patio so I went out there and read her some poetry out of one of the poetry books I got at the book fair called the Victorian Posy. All the poems are about flowers, summer and spring. It was so fun to read to my mom. I think she enjoyed it too. ^^ Then we walked around our gardens in the back yard. We looked at the little watermelon growing in her garden, and then looked at the pumpkin plant growing in mine. :D I'll post pictures later of our gardens. ^^

Then later that Saturday me and Mattie went to visit Meghan at her new job at Vintage Stock. It was a lot of fun. :) Then we went to a cute Asian cafe called the Tao Cafe. We got Passion Fruit Milk Tea, and Rose Milk Tea, they were amazing!!!!!! *_* Sooo Yummy!! I want another one! lol! XD Then we went to Goodwill! And we found lots of fun dresses to try on. It was so much fun. We both ended up buying some of the dresses! Ahh! I love Goodwill so much! Seriously, I got two cute dresses and a belt for only like 11 dollars. :D One of the dresses I got was actually to big, so that night I took it in on my sewing machaine, and now it fits a lot better. :)

Sunday was wonderful too. We had a great service at church. Then after church Mattie and Meghan came over and we hung out and then watched the movie Big Fish with my mom. The movie was sooo good!!!! I loved it! Ahhh it was just a wonderful weekend. ^__^

These are the dresses and belt that I got at goodwill. :)

This is the outfit I wore to church on Sunday. :) Its the floral dress from goodwill that I took in, and the belt. ^^

TGIF!!

Thank Goodness its Friday!! Blahhh!! haha!! Im so ready to relax. XD man... haha so... Im thinking for a relaxing weekend Im going to just work in my garden some, read, draw, and sit around and listen to music. haha. Im thinking of reading some of my poetry books I got from the book fair that I have yet to pick up! They are calling to me! Stories of fairies awaiting the frost king, and princesses and princes. Oh and I cant forget drinking tea! Last night I had green jasmine tea. Yum..... tongiht I'm thinking some rasberry tea. Ahhh. :) Ive been drawing every night till 2 in the morning. is that bad? probably. ehehe... but its so fun! I've been trying to find new music lately too. Anyone know of some good artists out there? :D Any way, I hope everyone has a lovely and relaxing weekend. Stay out of the heat if possible! Its dreadful! Well over and out lovelies. Remember that you're beautiful. ^^

Love Cheryl <3

I'll Fly with You

Draw Draw Draw... thats what Ive been doing ever since I got back from Akon. :D Seeing all those amazing artists really inspired me and set a spark in my heart to want to work harder on my art. That spark had died down to an ember, but now its burning strong again. I want to try so many new things with my art work. Im so excited! and I also decided Im going to try and start saving up for a nice Mac laptop computer. :D It would be nice to have one before going into animation classes. :) So Ive got to be really careful with how I spend my money. XD man Im so happy and excited, haha and I have no idea why. Its 2 am... and I cant seem to fall asleep. X_x I really dont want to go to work tomorrow. lol XD oh wells, more money towards the laptop though right? XD Man... so I was thinking today at work about summers when I was little. Recelecting how fun it was to not have to work and just spend the days outside, running through sprinklers, hanging with friends... ahh... good times. I think we should have a fun day like that, spend the day out side with friends, BBQ, run through sprinklers, eat watermelon. It just sounds so nice. ^^ This has been an amazing summer so far, Im so enjoying and looking forward to the rest of it as well. 4 weeks till Tokyo in Tulsa! So excited! ^_^

this is a drawing I did today. :D