A New Promise

So I decided to make a new promise and oath to myself and God today. I dont want to say what it is, because I just want it to I guess, be just between me and God. lol! XD But yeah... It's something that I have been really needing to work on in my life, and I think by keeping this promise to God and myself it will really help. :) It's going to be really hard, but I think in the end it will definetly help, and teach me a lot. At the end of the oath I'll tell you all what it was. lol!

So today started out kind of bad, then got good, then got worse, to terrible, then back too good. Well this morning, John got really sick around I think 5am he had really bad dihrea and idk how but it like got all over the carpet in the hallway. My mom woke me up at like 5:10 to tell me she was taking John to the hospital. Keep in mind, my mom just had the carpets cleaned last week... and well yeah... now there is poop all over it. Any way, so the morning started off bad. I fell back asleep then around 9:15 I got called into work becasue a guy who was sopost to come in couldn't get his truck to start. I had no problem going in though, I can always use more hours. :) When I got home I had the house to myself for almost the whole day. I had some tea, listened to music, I started sewing an Elven like dress made out of the extra material I used to make my Saria cosplay. It was hard and frustrating at times, but it felt good to work on something and to sew again. So it was a really relaxing afternoon to myself which was really nice. Around 6pm my mom got home. She seemed ok at first... but then she started getting really irritated at everything. She's sick of having to drive my Uncle to the VA Hospital all the time becasue she says it takes up most of her day, and its a long drive and takes up a lot of gas, so she was really irritated she had to drive him this morning and was upset because well, she just spent $150 to have the carpets cleaned then now there is dihera all over it... and I mean shes not mad at John, it was an accident he couldn't help it, he's really sick... but I think shes just sad upset and feels like John is a burden which I dont blame her... and well not only that, there is poop smeared everywhere in Johns room... on the bed, the sheets, the bed skirt, on the table, the carpet in his room, all on his clothes... she has to clean up all of that... and well it is really disgusting... and I mean I have to clean up after him too... there is always poop smeared on the toilet in my bathroom too... its really nasty. I'm sorry if I'm growsing you guys out. but yeah... sigh.... I feel really bad for my mom... I feel sad for her. I feel sad for John too, because he never seems to get better. I feel angry at myself for thinking this, but I am sick of the growsness too, cleaning up after him... I feel our house is all nasty and germy some times. :/ sigh... but any way, back to my mom, well just slowly everything just caught up to her and was making her angry, and like the tv was messing up, and she started yelling at me that I messed it up because I had played a video game that day. But that wouldn't have messed up the tv. -__- then I knew she was going to explode. She went into the kitchen and started yelling at me and throwing stuff around. I stood there not saying a word and just let her vent everything out on me... I'm not mad at my mom... its times like that I feel so bad for her... she really has a hard life, taking care of me and John... I feel like such a burden to her sometimes... I really need to move out soon I think... :( but yeah... I just feel really sad for my mom, she's so lonely and really wants to find someone, but all the guys she's met are well to say the least pigs, horny stupid old farts. ugh. And also on top of everything I think she's stressed about money. I mean, we aren't like dirt poor or anything, but we really aren't financialy stable, if something were to happen, we would be in big trouble... So anyway, I just let her vent it all out, then when she left the room I just started bawling... I cleaned up the kitchen like she wanted and stuff and then just stort of sat out in the kitchen for a while... Then randomly she called me into her room to watch a movie with her. She's very bipolar. lol But I know she wasn't really mad at me, she was just stressed and upset with life I guess. So we watched an old time movie together, it was nice. :)

I'm going to try harder to do more for my mom. Any way, I just wanted to get all that off my chest. Will you all pray for my mom and uncle please? thanks so much it would really mean a lot to me.

Sincerly, Cheryl