Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Am I fake??...

Some times I feel and worry that I'm fake... am I putting up a front, so people won't ask me what's wrong? Do I put up a smile so they think everything is fine?... but underneath Im angry and confused.. confused with myself... and life. My life... where is it going?... I am angry... angry at myself, for being jealous, not working harder, for comparing my imperfections to others... for not being good enough... I don't feel good enough.. will I ever feel good enough? Who is that girl I keep seeing in the mirror... I don't recognize her lately... :( When did cosplay, Legend of Korra, and work become more important than God? When did conventions and cosplay stop being as fun, and turn into stress and just putting myself down...? :( idk... I don't have answers to anything... but today I feel sad, ugly, and disappointed with myself...

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2 comments:

  1. MeghanJune 27, 2012 at 8:47 PM

    I don't think it's fakeness, I think it's just the side effects of the idols coming before God.. which I think is the problem with me too when I start to put things before Him. We start to try to fulfill ourselves with worldly things like looking the best, feeling the best about ourselves, conventions, comparisons to others, are we pretty enough, or good enough, cosplay, etc... even fun, innocent hobbies like drawing or hanging out with friends can be idols that we put before God. We keep thinking they will fulfil us and give us joy, but they don't at all.

    Reality is, it will never be easy. Even when we're chasing after God and at our strongest in our spirit, something is always trying to tear us down and take us away. That is the nature of temptation, of sin, of the world itself. We feel fake or not like ourselves because honestly, we aren't when we're trapped by idols and the world. We can go a long time being distracted and taken from God like this, but we can't stay there very long without feeling it.

    I hope you get to feeling better though dear :( I don't like seeing you so down and negative on yourself. I know it's hard to just take advice that others give you to not feel like that about yourself, but I'm just trying to help and give the objective opinion I guess.

    I love you >< <3

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  2. AnonymousJuly 22, 2012 at 10:14 PM

    I feel you
    Lately I've been putting many things before God too
    Your honesty astounds me

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