Sometimes you have to make your own Choice

ahh HI! yes, been away for a while... Please forgive me. A lot has been happening despite how rutine my life has become. I am changing, things are changing... I can feel it. :) So something happened last friday. My teacher at school came up to me and told me about an oil company called Kimray that was looking to hire a full time Graphic Artist. I was really surprised when me teacher told me to apply for the job. All weekend I was rolling the idea over and over in my head if I should apply?? What if I got the job? How would my life change? What would be the benefits?? Well for one, I know it would be better pay then where Im working now. Yes that would be a definate bonus, it has good benefits there too, and it would be a great great experience, get my foot in the door. But there are cons too... its a long drive, about 45 mins there and back. If I really was full time that would be a lot of gas money, plus my car isn't in the best of condition right now, and I'd prob have to take the turnpike. Well there is a major con, and it may interfier with my schooling. And when I told my teacher today about my concers about that, she was like, "Well my whole point here is to help you find a job, and I can work around it with you, you could probably still go to school or do some online stuff." This really upset me... for one I dont want to miss any of my schooling, right now its really important to me to learn as much as I can while I am there. I dont really want to be focusing on a whole other new job and still trying to go to school. That would just be really hard, and I dont want to do online class work either. I dont have all the programs either to even work on stuff at home, so I dont really know what she was thinking... I want to graduate, get my Associates degree, and then start looking for work. It almost seemed like she was trying to get me out of class. And I know she is just trying to help me find a good job, and I mean I'm thankful for that, but idk if right now is the best time for me to be starting that big of a full time job. But I mean I may not get another opoortunity like this again, so I am afraid I could be missing something imprtant here. I may not get another chance to get this kind of experience. *sigh* There is just so much to think about, and I have been getting sick with anxiety over it for 2 days now. Today at school idk, something just hit me. I dont have to go for an interview, I dont have to do it! I can go after what ever dream I want. And I have one... and I'm going for it. I dont care what others think, if it pays good or not. I'm making my own choice. I want to follow God, and glorify him. I mean I may have been able to there, but I feel called to spreading God's love through my art. I'm gonna take a step forward. And the first step is always the hardest. I may be losing a great chance, but if so, I believe God will open up a door. Which I feel he has had one open for a really long time. :) I just didn't see it till now. So thats what I'm going to do. Any way, I love you all, hope you are all doing well. -Sincerely Cheryl <3

I don't feel so good....