Wednesday, March 28, 2012


I've been feeling really ugly lately... :( I just dislike my facial features so much... I wish sometimes I could change the way I look, I wish I was beautiful instead of plain. I thought I was over my low self esteem, but cosplay and lookbook and well some other situations at work have been making me feel really self conscious... I dont feel like I'll ever be pretty enough and up to par with what is standardize beauty now and days. sigh... and well Ive been gaining a lot of weight. Working at the bank I'm not burning barely any calories... and they always have cookies and candy every day. Its so hard to not eat them. :( sigh... I barely have time anymore to work out or be active ya know?? I just feel ugly..... :( I feel unproductive, I feel just sorta trapped sometimes. :( I feel stuck in a never ending cycle.

sigh.... and well things have been bumpy lately between me and Tiger. He can be really clingy sometimes and wants all my time and attention, but he doesn't realize that I just can't do that. I don't have enough time, I'm so busy anymore, I barely can find time for myself. :( He's been really moody and emo lately because I haven't been able to hang out as much with him, or talk or whatever... and he even gets emo when I want to hang out with my girl friends. And its so frustrating cause I want to hang with my other friends too, not just him all the time. I guess also I've been a little angry at him subconsciously. At my party when we were sword fighting (with the foam swords) idk, once he started hitting me it made me really angry, and I just really started swinging at him and trying to hit him. It was kind of scary that I acted like that. Tiger was really worried after wards if I was mad at him. I guess I was, and it came out when we were sword fighting. :( There were probably some other reasons I was mad at him too... but I don't want to put them up on here. sigh... Boys are nothing but drama... drama and trouble... :(

any wayz.... I think my ear is getting infected. :( I need to go get some baby soap! >< and I'm excited about tomorrow, its Pixel fest at Francis Tuttle. Presenters from Pixar are coming to talk to us! Its going to be awesome! :D but I'm scared, because I am a helper, which means I have to do a small presentation in front of everyone, announcing some stuff. I will have a note card, but still, I'm going to be in front of hundreds of people. X_X oh boy. Hope I don't pass out, or make a fool of myself... I'm sick of feeling dumb and immature.

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