Am I fake??...

Some times I feel and worry that I'm fake... am I putting up a front, so people won't ask me what's wrong? Do I put up a smile so they think everything is fine?... but underneath Im angry and confused.. confused with myself... and life. My life... where is it going?... I am angry... angry at myself, for being jealous, not working harder, for comparing my imperfections to others... for not being good enough... I don't feel good enough.. will I ever feel good enough? Who is that girl I keep seeing in the mirror... I don't recognize her lately... :( When did cosplay, Legend of Korra, and work become more important than God? When did conventions and cosplay stop being as fun, and turn into stress and just putting myself down...? :( idk... I don't have answers to anything... but today I feel sad, ugly, and disappointed with myself...

Tokyo in Tulsa!!!!

Tokyo in Tulsa is coming up fast!!! I can't wait to start working on stuff!! I really want to work on a cool rave outfit. lol!! XD and really practice my shuffling!! I wanna get fabric for Officer Jenny and Gunner Yuna! I wanna work out every day! I wanna shuffle every day! I wanna draw everyday, read my bible, and work on some ideas I have for a furture job for myself. hmmm... so much to do, and TnT in less than 6 weeks!! GAHHHHHH!!!! X____X Gotta get my but into gear!!

Wish we were butterflies

This is so beautiful.....

What more could I ask for

Dear day,
You pull me into a cloudy haze,
Warm skys,
Sitting on a stone bench under the Bradford Pear,
Shade dances on my gown,
My eyes gaze deep into a cup of green
Yes I reach for a book
and leave this place,
but not too far
for I still stay in reach of my porcelain tea cup
I could spend forever here
If only the wind would
cease if only for a moment...
-Cheryl Doyle

When sorrows frown
What power can cheer
Or chase away the falling tear
Like Pekoe or Bohea.
What make the old
many young and strong
Like tyson, Congou,
Or, Souchang
-Anonymous, "The Cup for Me"

Polly Making Tea By Florence S. Browne
The china gleams in blue and white,
The twilight hour is swift approaching; Entranced I note with shy delight,
No other callers are approaching. A cup she designates as mine,
With motion of her dainty finger. the kettle boils — oh! drink divine,
In mem’ry shall thy fragrance linger. Her kerchief’s made in style of yore,
Some fairy surely put the hem on. Held sugar such a charm before?
Was e’er such magic in a lemon? She turns away with manner coy,
The firelight shows her beauty clearer; Oh, why is teasing such a joy!
I wish she’d come a little nearer. We sit and sip — the time flies fast,
My cup needs filling — project clever! She comes and I grown bold at last
Say “Darling, make my tea forever!”

Hello Book!
by N.M. Bodecker

Hello book!
What are you up to? Keeping yourself to yourself,
shut in between your covers,
a prisoner high on a shelf.
come in book!
What is your story?
Haven't you ever been read?
Did you think
I would just pass by you
And pick me a comic instead?
No way book!
I'm your reader
I open you up.
Set you free.
Listen, I know a secret!
Will you share your secrets with me?

An Eager Attitude

Hello Lovelies! I hope you are all doing well. ^^ Can you believe its almost summer?! and Akon at the End of this month??! Crazy right? I'm so excited though!! ^^ I miss you all so much. Im so happy we will all be able to hang out more in the summer. ^^

So... um there is something I want to tell you all... I've been really drifting from God lately... like a lot... Ive been feeling so angry and moody lately. :( I decided not to go to church tonight but instead to stay home and do a bible study. So I read out of a book Dixie gave me a long time ago called, Beautiful in God's Eyes. I never really read the book much cause it was actually written for a married woman. 0.0 lol But any way, I opened the book up and what I turned to was a chapter titled, "An Eager Attitude" the verse of the chapter was Proverbs 31:17 "She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms." The whole chapter was about using our time wisely, having a commitment to work hard, and having willingness, motivation, and discipline to work hard an get stuff done. And then she talked about how to achieve these was to, Embrace God's will for your life, stay in God's word, develop a vision, tap into the why, pray for a eager attitude, create a schedule, and to develop a routine. Wahhhh the whole chapter was so amazing its hard to sum it all up. But basically it was exactly what I needed to hear. One of my biggest problems is dealing with how to use my time properly and to its fullest. I have been really slacking, being lazy and not really ever getting stuff done lately like I should be. I've been having such a passive attitude in everything lately it seems... I haven't been motivated at school, at work, or even in my social life, I've just been a blah... and it shows. Because I've had no motivation and disipline I don't make any plans, goals, commitments and I don't have a willingness to do anything. Its funny how fast and easy it is to lose sight of whats really important. :( I've been putting so many other things before God. And because of it all other areas of my life are suffering as well. I'm going to work harder, and use my time more wisely and to the fullest. Im going to try and motivate myself more, discipline myself more, and really work hard towards my goals. I want to be a better Christian, student, employee, daughter, and friend. At the end of the chapter it says this quote which I love because its so true!

All that stands between your goal
And the deeds you hope to do
And the dreams which stir your soul-
Is you!

I'm going to work harder! Love you all so much! Sincerely, Cheryl ^_^

Ugly...

I've been feeling really ugly lately... :( I just dislike my facial features so much... I wish sometimes I could change the way I look, I wish I was beautiful instead of plain. I thought I was over my low self esteem, but cosplay and lookbook and well some other situations at work have been making me feel really self conscious... I dont feel like I'll ever be pretty enough and up to par with what is standardize beauty now and days. sigh... and well Ive been gaining a lot of weight. Working at the bank I'm not burning barely any calories... and they always have cookies and candy every day. Its so hard to not eat them. :( sigh... I barely have time anymore to work out or be active ya know?? I just feel ugly..... :( I feel unproductive, I feel just sorta trapped sometimes. :( I feel stuck in a never ending cycle.

sigh.... and well things have been bumpy lately between me and Tiger. He can be really clingy sometimes and wants all my time and attention, but he doesn't realize that I just can't do that. I don't have enough time, I'm so busy anymore, I barely can find time for myself. :( He's been really moody and emo lately because I haven't been able to hang out as much with him, or talk or whatever... and he even gets emo when I want to hang out with my girl friends. And its so frustrating cause I want to hang with my other friends too, not just him all the time. I guess also I've been a little angry at him subconsciously. At my party when we were sword fighting (with the foam swords) idk, once he started hitting me it made me really angry, and I just really started swinging at him and trying to hit him. It was kind of scary that I acted like that. Tiger was really worried after wards if I was mad at him. I guess I was, and it came out when we were sword fighting. :( There were probably some other reasons I was mad at him too... but I don't want to put them up on here. sigh... Boys are nothing but drama... drama and trouble... :(

any wayz.... I think my ear is getting infected. :( I need to go get some baby soap! >< and I'm excited about tomorrow, its Pixel fest at Francis Tuttle. Presenters from Pixar are coming to talk to us! Its going to be awesome! :D but I'm scared, because I am a helper, which means I have to do a small presentation in front of everyone, announcing some stuff. I will have a note card, but still, I'm going to be in front of hundreds of people. X_X oh boy. Hope I don't pass out, or make a fool of myself... I'm sick of feeling dumb and immature.

The Benefits of Drinking Water

Found this and had to share it with you all! Its crazy! This is so important, you really need to read this! :O


1. Water is the only liquid on Earth that reduces weight safely. It removes the by-products of fat and keeps you fresh and healthy. Drinking water can reduce your bad habit of eating a lot and reduce it to a very low in take. The only thing that keeps water a distinct drink is that it has zero calories.

2. Water can act like a medicine for all diseases. It is a blessing of God, a natural gift that reduces harmful particles from body and helps us maintain a healthy body. It also helps in avoiding headaches and back pains which are essentially caused by dehydration.

3. Do you want to look younger? Then drink lots of water daily! It is surely a replacement for your all-expensive aging medicines. It moisturizes your skin and keeps your skin fresh, as a tulip in water. Your skin would glow and shine.

4. Human body is a machine that constantly needs certain things to keep on working, including water, food and healthy environment. Water is the essential requirement of this machine to work properly and efficiently. As our brain and tissues are mostly made of water therefore it can improve our ability to think. You can feel more energetic and alert than ever.

5. Water can keep your body temperature moderate, thus while doing exercise or sitting in office it can balance your inner temperature. Water works like fuel to our body.

6. Water is helpful for digestion; it raises your metabolism level so to mediate your digestion. People who have digestion issues should drink water.

7. Our body needs water to live, thus dehydration could cause many severe issues such as cramps and sprains. However water can keep your joints and muscles fresh and strong.

8. Seasonal illness is quite common; water can help you to be strong enough to fight from such illnesses. On a broader prospect, it can save you from a heart attack and kidney stones. Water improves our immune system and drinking water with two drops of lemon juice is quite beneficial. It can also save you from various diseases such as rheumatism and arthritis.

9. Water flushes out waste products that are produced by our body. It removes toxins from our body. If our body lacks water then it is quite probable that our heart would work hard to pump fresh oxygenated blood to our organs thus causing many problems and it could exhaust you.

10. Your body is relaxed and feels at ease when it receives sufficient amount of water daily. It keeps you in a good mood. It is the best medication to avoid cancer. Research shows that drinking water can help avoid the risk of bladder and colon cancer. You might be thinking how that is possible. It is possible because water dilutes everything and it dilutes the concentration of cancer-causing agents in the urine and shortens the time in which they contact with bladder lining. To construe the result it is quite clear that to keep ourselves healthy, active, fresh and happy we ought to drink water daily and our intake should be sufficient.

11. A lot of chemical reactions that take place in our body need water thus water is an important nutrient. Water helps in reducing weight. Water flushes out the byproducts of fat breakdown. A lesser amount of water isn't enough for attenuating body's waste products and may result in kidney stones. When kidneys aren't working properly some other organ has to step in and help. Liver helps but can't perform its other functions properly. Thus your body then cannot burn fat easily.

12. Less water causes dehydration and dehydration leads to many different things i.e. headaches, back pain and fatigue. Most people have the habit of dozing off in the afternoon, try drinking lots of water at lunch. Similarly goes for frequent headaches. Dehydration also causes muscle spasms.

13. Properly hydrated skin is always glowing and looks fresh. This can only happen if you drink a lot of water as it flushes out the toxins and helps you to cool off through perspiration. Muscles also need water. Water is a blessing, if you draw a comparison between people who drink ample amount of water to those who don't, the difference is strikingly obvious.

14. Experts think that sometimes we are hungry but actually we need water instead of food. Drinking water before regular meals works as an effective appetite suppressant. Tea, coffee, sodas and juices are liquids but they don't work as water does in your body. Coffee and tea contain caffeine which has a diuretic effect and makes you lose water. Sodas and juices cause more dehydration as they are sweet and the body must dilute them.



CRAZY Right???!! I need to drink more water!! I have drank 7 cups today, need two more! >< They say for the average woman, she needs 9 cups a day, but 8 are still good to reach for. :D My goal for the rest of March is to drink 9 cups a day!!! Hold me accountable friends! please do! >:D
I got all this information about water from http://www.squidoo.com/what-are-the-health-benefits-of-drinking-water