Inspiration Post #1 :) Let Some Sun Shine In a Dark Place

I'm going to start posting inspirational posts. Things, photos, stories, quotes ect. of things that inspire me and that I think would also inspire others. :) I'm in a serious mental block right now guys.... and I'm not talking about just with art, I mean my whole life. It's like there is a endless black wall blocking my way, my thoughts and actions everywhere I turn. I feel really lost right now and need some inspiration. I decided... I may quit drawing for a while. Take a break from it. Kind of like in Kiki's Delivery Service, one of the characters says "just take a break, don't think about drawing, and then one day before you know it you will be drawing. But we have to all find our own inspiration." I think I want to find what really inspires me, and not just with art, but with my whole life. :)

About to have a Breakdown....

I really feel like Im about to have a breakdown... I feel so much heavy weight building up over my head and I can't figure out exactly where its coming from.... I know a lot of it is from work... I work too much... I know that.. but I have to to help my mom out... Im sick of the same old conversations at work, the same, same dumb stuff every day, nothing changes, except I'm aging and getting no where... I feel like I'm drifting away from everyone and everything I love... I feel like Im losing close friendships with people because I'm always so busy and they think I'm making up excuses maybe or something... I'm worried everyone is talking about me behind my back. I'm always anxious and feel depressed when I'm at work. I fake a smile... I try to do a good job but I feel I'm just getting by. My heart isn't into my work thats for sure. I stay up late every night trying to do the things I wish I could through out the day, such as cleaning, reading, or especially working on my art. I barely see my mom, I'm barely home, I'm always busy, my days are always planned for me. I want to have time for everyone but I can barely find time for myself. I'm not ready to go back to school... :( I want more time... thats what I really want is time, that's my own and I am in control of what I can do with it. Not little lunch breaks where I go back and forth constantly to work and home. I want whole days to myself, and I want whole days with my friends. I want to go some where, get out of Piedmont and see the world. I want to travel, I want to go to a beautiful forest and be in solitude with nature and talk to God. Life is so busy and crazy and over whelming some times... I really don't think this is how God intended us to live... I really think the Indians had it right. Living in nature and only using what they needed... *sigh* sorry for my rant but I had to let it all out.... and I still have more to go... so bare with me sorry! ><
Ok, I feel fake, I feel I act nice at work but thats not how I feel. I worry people will think all this time its been an act and some day they will see my true colors. I got angry at work and almost cried today because things keep going wrong and I feel like I'm suffocating. I feel depressed! I'm not happy... I can't seem to find joy, or peace... I want God's help... did I mention I feel I'm losing friendships.. :( I'm going to try harder to be a better friend and a better worker, daughter... I just want to do better. I hate feeling this way... I want to be truly filled with joy again... that lasts even when the days are hard and feel they go on forever with no peace in sight... I feel like I'm going in circles and everything is stuck in an endless routine that I can never seem to break no matter where I go or what I do I'm always stuck. I'm so sick of all the negativity in the world anymore, all the vulgarness, lack of respect everywhere I go I see this country crumbling slowly to the ground and it breaks my heart, and it makes me even more sad thinking how much it breaks God's heart... How can people push God out?! I just don't understand... it just makes me so sad...
I dont know what to do anymore... all I can say is I'm trying... and I will keep trying and praying till God leads me down the right path.

Am I fake??...

Some times I feel and worry that I'm fake... am I putting up a front, so people won't ask me what's wrong? Do I put up a smile so they think everything is fine?... but underneath Im angry and confused.. confused with myself... and life. My life... where is it going?... I am angry... angry at myself, for being jealous, not working harder, for comparing my imperfections to others... for not being good enough... I don't feel good enough.. will I ever feel good enough? Who is that girl I keep seeing in the mirror... I don't recognize her lately... :( When did cosplay, Legend of Korra, and work become more important than God? When did conventions and cosplay stop being as fun, and turn into stress and just putting myself down...? :( idk... I don't have answers to anything... but today I feel sad, ugly, and disappointed with myself...

Tokyo in Tulsa!!!!

Tokyo in Tulsa is coming up fast!!! I can't wait to start working on stuff!! I really want to work on a cool rave outfit. lol!! XD and really practice my shuffling!! I wanna get fabric for Officer Jenny and Gunner Yuna! I wanna work out every day! I wanna shuffle every day! I wanna draw everyday, read my bible, and work on some ideas I have for a furture job for myself. hmmm... so much to do, and TnT in less than 6 weeks!! GAHHHHHH!!!! X____X Gotta get my but into gear!!

Wish we were butterflies

This is so beautiful.....

What more could I ask for

Dear day,
You pull me into a cloudy haze,
Warm skys,
Sitting on a stone bench under the Bradford Pear,
Shade dances on my gown,
My eyes gaze deep into a cup of green
Yes I reach for a book
and leave this place,
but not too far
for I still stay in reach of my porcelain tea cup
I could spend forever here
If only the wind would
cease if only for a moment...
-Cheryl Doyle

When sorrows frown
What power can cheer
Or chase away the falling tear
Like Pekoe or Bohea.
What make the old
many young and strong
Like tyson, Congou,
Or, Souchang
-Anonymous, "The Cup for Me"

Polly Making Tea By Florence S. Browne
The china gleams in blue and white,
The twilight hour is swift approaching; Entranced I note with shy delight,
No other callers are approaching. A cup she designates as mine,
With motion of her dainty finger. the kettle boils — oh! drink divine,
In mem’ry shall thy fragrance linger. Her kerchief’s made in style of yore,
Some fairy surely put the hem on. Held sugar such a charm before?
Was e’er such magic in a lemon? She turns away with manner coy,
The firelight shows her beauty clearer; Oh, why is teasing such a joy!
I wish she’d come a little nearer. We sit and sip — the time flies fast,
My cup needs filling — project clever! She comes and I grown bold at last
Say “Darling, make my tea forever!”

Hello Book!
by N.M. Bodecker

Hello book!
What are you up to? Keeping yourself to yourself,
shut in between your covers,
a prisoner high on a shelf.
come in book!
What is your story?
Haven't you ever been read?
Did you think
I would just pass by you
And pick me a comic instead?
No way book!
I'm your reader
I open you up.
Set you free.
Listen, I know a secret!
Will you share your secrets with me?

An Eager Attitude

Hello Lovelies! I hope you are all doing well. ^^ Can you believe its almost summer?! and Akon at the End of this month??! Crazy right? I'm so excited though!! ^^ I miss you all so much. Im so happy we will all be able to hang out more in the summer. ^^

So... um there is something I want to tell you all... I've been really drifting from God lately... like a lot... Ive been feeling so angry and moody lately. :( I decided not to go to church tonight but instead to stay home and do a bible study. So I read out of a book Dixie gave me a long time ago called, Beautiful in God's Eyes. I never really read the book much cause it was actually written for a married woman. 0.0 lol But any way, I opened the book up and what I turned to was a chapter titled, "An Eager Attitude" the verse of the chapter was Proverbs 31:17 "She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms." The whole chapter was about using our time wisely, having a commitment to work hard, and having willingness, motivation, and discipline to work hard an get stuff done. And then she talked about how to achieve these was to, Embrace God's will for your life, stay in God's word, develop a vision, tap into the why, pray for a eager attitude, create a schedule, and to develop a routine. Wahhhh the whole chapter was so amazing its hard to sum it all up. But basically it was exactly what I needed to hear. One of my biggest problems is dealing with how to use my time properly and to its fullest. I have been really slacking, being lazy and not really ever getting stuff done lately like I should be. I've been having such a passive attitude in everything lately it seems... I haven't been motivated at school, at work, or even in my social life, I've just been a blah... and it shows. Because I've had no motivation and disipline I don't make any plans, goals, commitments and I don't have a willingness to do anything. Its funny how fast and easy it is to lose sight of whats really important. :( I've been putting so many other things before God. And because of it all other areas of my life are suffering as well. I'm going to work harder, and use my time more wisely and to the fullest. Im going to try and motivate myself more, discipline myself more, and really work hard towards my goals. I want to be a better Christian, student, employee, daughter, and friend. At the end of the chapter it says this quote which I love because its so true!

All that stands between your goal
And the deeds you hope to do
And the dreams which stir your soul-
Is you!

I'm going to work harder! Love you all so much! Sincerely, Cheryl ^_^