Friday, June 24, 2011

It's Finally Time...

Its 4:11 in the morning... I haven't slept a wink this whole night. I feel sick mentaly and physically. Im angry, depressed, upset, confussed, excited and nervous all at the same time. Tomorrow, if I am brave enough, I am quiting the day care, putting in my two weeks and thats that. I can just not take it anymore. Today was one of the worst days Ive ever had in my life. You know work is bad when you mumble in your head that you want to die... thats how I felt today. The day care was the last place in the world that I wanted to be. The kids were HORRIBLE today, HORRIBLE... in almost 3 years today was the worst day Ive worked there except for a couple days the first summer I worked there that were worse. The kids didn't even behave like children today, more like wild animals in a jungle. Tearing everything down in the classroom, throwing toys, screaming, running around, fighting, hitting... messing up every possible thing they could just to be BAD! They know when they are being bad, and they know what are "No no's." I tell them over and over not to do stuff and they just do it any way and smile at me! All the kids were hitting me today! idk... when a child hits me, it like stirs something in me, it either makes me angry, or depressed, today was a mixture of both, but at first I was just angry! One kid was trying to hit me, and I screamed at him to stop, and well acleast that got his attention, he was scared after that and started crying. Ive never screamed before like that, but he would just not stop hitting me! I was like flabergasted! The kids were out of control!! All I want to do is give these kids spankings, they freaking need it! Time out dose NOT WORK! I dont care what freaking psycology books say, time out is bull crap! The kids wont even stay in time out, they just smile at me and think its funny! Then run around and I cant get them to stay there. Ive tried even sitting on the floor and holding them there, but I cant do that for long becasue other kids are getting into trouble and I have to stop them. Its a visciouis cycle. Ive been patient, Ive tried practically everything, Ive been at the day care for 3 years, and I just cant do it anymore. It was like something snapped in me today, and all I had was this ragging desire to just quit right there on the spot. I seriously almost just went in the office to tell them I wanted to put in my two weeks. But I decided to think it over tonight. but yeah... Ive never had that bad of a desire to want to quit before. I guess that must mean its time then. Im ready to try something new, work with people my own age, and not have to watch other peoples children all day. Ive tried teaching them manners, how to be nice to each other and what not, but if they aren't leanring at home or getting disipline, there is no way they are going to at the day care, especially with all the other kids there. I just gave up today. Im done. And now I want more then ever out. So I hope after I put in my two weeks the two weeks go by fast. Im going to start job hunting and praying for God to open up a new job for me. I just... yeah.... sorry for ranting... Its helping me get it all out... maybe now I can fall asleep... hopefully... sorry again... and especially to you Mattie... I know I should'nt complain... cause I know you have it way worse. :( *sigh*... Im really sorry....

I do feel bad about quiting how ever... I feel bad its so out of the blue, and I will miss a lot of people there, like my two bosses Sharon and Felicia, I'll miss Kathy, and Becky a lot, and a couple other of the girls that work there. I'll feel bad they will have to find some one... and Im sure they wont be happy with me, and maybe even be mad at me... but this is the one time in my life where I feel I HAVE to be selfish and want whats best for me rather then other people. :( Like that episode in Fruits Basket when Kyo tells Tohru to say how she feels, get upset, say whats on your mind, and tell people what you want; and that its what you have to do some times... I feel this is one of those times... Its finally here. Im scared to death, but Im ready. Pray for me tomorrow that it goes good, and they wont be to mad at me... thanks guys for reading.
Love you.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah.. you need to leave that place. But it's not being selfish wanting to leave either; you're letting their need for workers make you stay there longer than you need to. You probably should've quit the first time you even really wanted to, when it first just pushed you over the limit... But, you do need to take this all and learn from it to speak up for yourself and stand up for yourself when you need to say something. Quitting the daycare and going somewhere else, even if it's just part time sort of job, will be a huge change for you and you'll grow through it so much. Meet new people, learn new things, have a brand new work experience that will only help you. The daycare is doing nothing but hindering you.

    *hugs* I'll be praying for you sweetie, but I'm really happy you're deciding this now, and seeing you stand your ground against this job. God will certainly provide for you and open up doors.