Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Why can't I? :(

Sigh... today’s been well blahh... and yesterday... no better. My mom has been really smothering me lately, like to the extreme. She controls me and what I do so much. Like last night... ugh.... it’s a long story, but pretty much my mom got mad at me for the dumbest reason, and controlled me so I wouldn't go to wallmart with Tiger. I feel like a bug being squished under her shoe sometimes... or well all the time. She has controlled me my whole life. Most of the time I can brush it off cause I’m used to it, but other days it just really wears on me... sigh... and then today in my 3D animation class, we have been working on this animation project, and I’m on a team with 3 other people, and well one of the guys in the group was really rude to me. I wanted to snap back at him and be rude back, but I had to hold it in. sigh... it’s just frustrating some times. I’m not mad at him or anything, I think it was also just a mixture from last night, and then being tired this morning, and well, I’m just also having low self esteem day... feeling ugly. blahhh.... it’s been a while since I have felt low self esteem, but we can’t be strong all the time right? :/ sigh... I’m just stressed right now with financial problems. First off at UCO I need to transfer my OLAP over to Francis Tuttle for next semester, and I went over to financial aid to ask how to do that, and no one could help me. They just told me to ask my teacher, but she didn't know either... ugh... and like seriously right now I’m really low on money, what with buying gas all the time, paying my car insurance, phone bills, car problems, I had to get my car fixed two weekends ago, now I need to have the oil changed. I owe my mom 100 dollars, and now I have to help pay for one of my friends bachelorette parties, and it’s just frustrating because they have bought all this dirty stuff for the party that I have to pay them back for. I never wanted to buy dirty stuff in the first place; I think it’s dumb and totally unnecessary. ugh.... I want to have more money saved up so I can buy Christmas gifts. I just hope I can somehow save up more before Christmas. Luckily in one week I'll be able to work more and get more hours in, so hopefully that will help. sigh... sorry for the totally emo post... I just had to get it all out.

So I've decided, and you all can hold me accountable. >< I am not ever ever going to cut my hair again for 2 years. Like I'm serious, no haircuts, no me cutting it myself unless absolutely necessary such as to shape my bangs better until they grow out longer. But I really want long long hair. Just for one time in my life I want it to be really long. Cause once I get older, long hair will be hard to maintain and won’t look as good, so I really want long hair when I'm younger. So I’m going to try really hard to grow it out for 2 years without cutting it. I'm going to take good care of it, put lots of hair moisturizing hair masks and what not on it. I just love long hair, it’s so pretty! And I also want to grow out all my layers and bangs. Here's some pics of how long and what I want my hair to look like. ;_; Sorry again for the emo post, thanks for reading, and I hope you are all having a great day and week. Love you all! Sincerely Cheryl~


  1. Cheryl, I'm sorry! If you ever need to talk, totally call me anytime!

    I love you!

  2. I totally understand the post, honey. We all have really crummy days where everything goes wrong or just little things build up to make for a bad day. The bitter cold, uncomfortable weather all around us isn't helping either, nor is the stress of school and finals. *hugs* It'll work out though.

    And w/ your mom, sometimes it just takes REALLY standing up for yourself. Like, being assertive, looking her in the eye, and standing your ground. Parents sometimes think they can still treat you like a child or manipulate you or think they can decide everything for you, but they can't; you're an adult now. They also think they can just say whatever they want and they don't think how it's affecting you because you're "their child", like that entitles them to act that way. Totally not true. I know you have actually confronted her in the past and it didn't really work, but at the same time, if you keep letting her treat you like this she'll just get more and more complacent to how she's acting.

    *huuuugggs* I love you honey ;-; Things will get better with your mom, and you'll find yourself probably wanting to move out more and more, which may be the best option at some point when you can become more stable financially. And maybe at that point things with how she's acting will be ironed out a little bit.

    And about the hair, you betcha'! I will most definitely hold you accountable lol, and get onto you if you cut it again. xD I think it's the best idea to have long hair now too, for when we are older it will be harder to maintain. That's why a lot of women in their thirties+ usually have shorter hair cuts. Let's how uber long hair together! >:O I'm determined too!

    I love you honey!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3