My life sucks...
I feel Im getting no where...
I'm depressed, and angry.
Nothing seems to matter.
I'm losing interest in things I once loved.
I feel ugly...
Unconfident.
I wanted to go outside today...
I feel sinful and spiritually sick,
And,
Tiger is not talking to me...
I've been feeling off lately... I think I'm still getting used to working late every night, and just long days in general. But don't get me wrong, I am LOVING going to Francis Tuttle in the morning from 8 to 11 and then working at the bank full time from ll:30 till 7. It's such a wonderful and fun job, and the hours are really great cause I desperately need the money. lol! I'm just so tired lately for some reason, and I feel also just spiritually tired and sick too. I think I need some good long time in prayer and a quiet time. I actually think I just need some alone time too. 0-0 Some times it just feels like life gets so busy ya know?... I feel like I'm always constantly going going going. I'm barely outside anymore. And I mean I know its cold, but some times I just want to go outside, and feel the wind on my face; or go for a nice long walk. I'm never really home anymore either. :/ Weekends are really the only time I can sort of have a break and breathe a bit it seems. Anyone else feeling like life has gotten so much more busy lately? @_@ Any ways. I hope everyone is having a great week. I can't wait till our next girls day. ^^
Oh, and I already told Meghan this, but I really want to start fashion blogging and getting into Fashion Photography. :) I'm currently along with some other things saving up for a nice camera. My little pink camera sort of well... sucks to say the least. haha! I'd really like to have a nicer camera to take better pictures. ^^
Haha, yes, so as of now I'm saving up for a new computer, a cintiq drawing tablet, photoshop CS5, and a nicer camera. LOL! XD I know it's a lot, but I think they will all benefit in my career in the future. :) Oh and I can't wait to show you all the final animation project I've been working on with my group at Francis Tuttle. It's so cute! haha! I'll probably be able to show you all of it in about 2 weeks I think. haha! Everyone in the group is sopost to get a copy on a CD, so I'll show you all once I get that CD. lol!
So 365 days is going pretty good too. :D I've been drawing everyday and its starting to get easier. :D I'm really loving drawing more and more everyday. I'm still 5 days behind but I'll catch up! >:D This weekend for sure I will catch up. I'll try and post some art this weekend too. ^_^
Any way, I'd better wrap this up, got to get ready for bed. Goodnight and God bless. Thanks everyone out there who reads my blog. It means a lot to me. ^_^
This was the outfit I wore to church today. ^^ The sermon was really good, it was about how just having faith is not good enough as a Christian. You need to show your faith through works too. So many times people will say, yeah I believe in God, but then their actions dont back it up. They aren't serving God, or trying to live the life style he wants them too. I do this from time to time too... I just get so comfortable where I'm at, but never try to go out of my comfort zone to try and witness to people more... I really want to work harder on this, on showing my faith in Jesus Christ not only through my faith in him, but through my actions as well. :)
I got this lovely green dress last night from Goodwill! Have I ever mentioned before that I LOOOVVVEEE Goodwill! lol! You can always find such amazing treasures there! Seriously! Last night not only did I find this dress I found that scarff too! I also found one other oriental dress that is really pretty, a black pair of dress shoes which I can wear to the bank, a snowflake bracelet, an amazing poncho, a gorgeous jewlery box, and some CD's! Yeah I still cant believe I found it but I found the FF9 soundtrack! I like freaked out! It doesn't have all the songs on it, but it has the main ones, and even a bonus track that was taken out of the game, which I had never heard before! :D and I found a pretty CD with disney classics but redone into piano versions, and well haha! I thought it was a good find, I found Utadah Hikaru's new CD called Exodus. It looks like it'd be an awesome CD, but when I listened to it... the lyrics are terrible, like vulgar! 0.0 yeah!! Idk what to do with the CD now.... -__- lol! oh wells I might just cut out the pictures acleast. lol! if anyone wants the CD let me know! XD anyway! yeah! lol! I LOVE Goodwill. ^^ haha. Ok. I'll wrap this up. I hope you all have a great rest of the weekend.
Sincerly Cheryl
Heres some more pics! and and please listen to the song at the end!! :DDD
This is seriously my new favorite song of the month! I love it, I can't stop listening to this amazing song!!! *__*
I want ice cream... drizzled with sweet rich hot caramel dripping down like lava around white vanilla scoops, and sprinkled with reese’s pieces... yes... *___* that is what I want... ;__;
Lol, the Daniel Fast is really hard!! I want sweets, I want food that will actually fill me up. I want cheese and dairy! I’m hungry all the time. :( booo! lol. Only like 3 and half weeks... -__- How's everyone else doing? Im so proud of you gals! Don’t give up, we are almost half way there! And since I was bad and ate meat at the Christmas party, I’m extending my fast an extra day to make up for it.
So my official last day at the day care is the 20th. I can't believe I will be leaving. Its like a bitter sweet feeling. I’m scared to leave and sad to leave the kids and all the workers that have become some of my close friends, my two bosses, and a couple of the other girls there I’m going to miss a lot. But I'm happy I will still be able to visit since the bank is near by. Even though I am sad to leave the day care, I am a bit excited for change in my life. I think it will be good for me. I’m just still feeling scared and anxious, but I think that might be normal with any new job.
I went in for some training today at the Bank, and it's really confusing. 0.0 There is soooo much I need to know and learn. I don’t even know where to start. I just hope they will give me time to learn everything well before I have to start actually helping customers. lol. But even though its hard I'm going to try my best and just try to take everything in a little at a time.
So it's also back to school for everyone. I love Francis Tuttle. It's going really well, and we are working on an animation project that I cant wait to show everyone once it's complete. ^^ I hope everyone else's classes are going good. Love you all, sorry I haven't been posting as much lately. I've been so busy. :( But I'll try harder to post more often! Any way I'll wrap this up. Hope you all have a great rest of the week! ^_^
So its the second day of the daniel fast and 365 days project, and everything is going really well so far. I have actually been loving all the food Ive been eating. Veggie burgers are soooo delicious!! I love them! and I have been craving sweets, but knowing I have such a big accountability group really helps me keep going and not giving in. :) and its really been a big blessing that my mom is doing it with me as well. :) And 365 days... Its going to be tough, I actually almost forgot about it yesterday because I was sick all day, but at like 10 o'clock last night I remembered and drew two quick drawings. :) I just have to get in a pattern and routine so I dont forget a single day. I'm so proud of you gals for doing so well on the Daniel fast too! I'll be praying for ya ladies! ;) we can do this, and Im so happy it will be a time we can all grow closer to God too. ^^ Oh! and by the way ladies! Dont forget its a new year and you know what that means??? Time for a new art binder and art binder decorating!! I was thinking we can decorate them again this year at the Christmas party if you all are up for it. ^^ Or we can just plan another time. Either way I can't wait! Its so much fun! yay! :D Any way, I'll wrap this up. Love you all! ^_^
This is the shoe box I will be putting all my 365 days drawings/ photography in. :D I had fun painting it. hehe! X3
And I thought this was a really neat idea to do too! :D I have a lot of old journals that I haven't used yet, I might make one into a 365 days thankful journal! :D
A new year is approaching! I know every year I say this, but I'm ready for new changes in my life this coming year! I want to work harder on so many things! And I really want to stick to commitments I make and not break them no matter what. Like I want to do the 365 days of drawing again. I didn't make it last year, but I really want to try hard for this year to draw something every single day! I dont even care if its just a doodle, but I just want to get something on paper. :D
Next month a couple of friends and myself are going to do the Daniel Fast for a whole month. On the Daniel Fast pretty much the only things you can eat is fruit, veggetables, beans, whole wheats, brown rice, nuts, and water. lol! yeah, it's going to be hard core! But as weird as it sounds, Im really looking forward to it. I want to feel great and be more healthier, and yes even lose a little extra unwanted fat around my hips. XD Lets face it, around the Hollidays is when we pack on the weight, SOOO much FOOD! XD haha! but yes! Im excited, and Im also going to use it as an opportunity to really grow closer to God through it. Like when I'm hungry I'm going to ask God to give me the strengh to not give in to my desires. Sigh, and I feel I have drifted from God in general, I really want to get back on track.
Next year also, Im not sure when but I am going to either get a second job, or just get a new job entirely. Im ready to try something new. Not that I dont like the day care anymore, I love it, its been a great job, with ups and downs like any job, but Im just ready for a new chapter in my life. I want to get out in the world more, have new experiences, learn new things. ^^ yeah... I think it will be good to get out of my comfort zone. XD
I'm excited for 2012! I want it to be a year of new experiences and self discovery! haha! but wow, I also just want to say, 2011 has been an overall great year. It had some bad times, but for the most part it was awesome. I feel I have grown and learned so much, especially about myself. At the beginning of the year, I had really really bad low self esteem, but over the course of this year, I have really grown, and learned to love myself for who I am. I feel happy in my skin, and am thankful for who I am and how God made me. I mean there are still times when I feel down about my appearence, what girl doesn't have those days. But for the most part, I feel really content and peaceful. I feel I discovered so much of who I am, and just a lot of things I thought I knew about myself and what I wanted, actually ended up being completly opposite. But its ok! I love it! I love surprises! XD And a lot of wonderful things happened this year. ^^ I'm so thankful for all the blessings in my life, for all the great times I had this year with friends and family. I wont ever forget them. 2011 has been great, and I know 2012 will be a great year too. A new start to a new beggining. :)
I love the soundtrack from How to Train Your Dragon! I keep listening to it over and over. :D
Sigh... today’s been well blahh... and yesterday... no better. My mom has been really smothering me lately, like to the extreme. She controls me and what I do so much. Like last night... ugh.... it’s a long story, but pretty much my mom got mad at me for the dumbest reason, and controlled me so I wouldn't go to wallmart with Tiger. I feel like a bug being squished under her shoe sometimes... or well all the time. She has controlled me my whole life. Most of the time I can brush it off cause I’m used to it, but other days it just really wears on me... sigh... and then today in my 3D animation class, we have been working on this animation project, and I’m on a team with 3 other people, and well one of the guys in the group was really rude to me. I wanted to snap back at him and be rude back, but I had to hold it in. sigh... it’s just frustrating some times. I’m not mad at him or anything, I think it was also just a mixture from last night, and then being tired this morning, and well, I’m just also having low self esteem day... feeling ugly. blahhh.... it’s been a while since I have felt low self esteem, but we can’t be strong all the time right? :/ sigh... I’m just stressed right now with financial problems. First off at UCO I need to transfer my OLAP over to Francis Tuttle for next semester, and I went over to financial aid to ask how to do that, and no one could help me. They just told me to ask my teacher, but she didn't know either... ugh... and like seriously right now I’m really low on money, what with buying gas all the time, paying my car insurance, phone bills, car problems, I had to get my car fixed two weekends ago, now I need to have the oil changed. I owe my mom 100 dollars, and now I have to help pay for one of my friends bachelorette parties, and it’s just frustrating because they have bought all this dirty stuff for the party that I have to pay them back for. I never wanted to buy dirty stuff in the first place; I think it’s dumb and totally unnecessary. ugh.... I want to have more money saved up so I can buy Christmas gifts. I just hope I can somehow save up more before Christmas. Luckily in one week I'll be able to work more and get more hours in, so hopefully that will help. sigh... sorry for the totally emo post... I just had to get it all out.
So I've decided, and you all can hold me accountable. >< I am not ever ever going to cut my hair again for 2 years. Like I'm serious, no haircuts, no me cutting it myself unless absolutely necessary such as to shape my bangs better until they grow out longer. But I really want long long hair. Just for one time in my life I want it to be really long. Cause once I get older, long hair will be hard to maintain and won’t look as good, so I really want long hair when I'm younger. So I’m going to try really hard to grow it out for 2 years without cutting it. I'm going to take good care of it, put lots of hair moisturizing hair masks and what not on it. I just love long hair, it’s so pretty! And I also want to grow out all my layers and bangs. Here's some pics of how long and what I want my hair to look like. ;_; Sorry again for the emo post, thanks for reading, and I hope you are all having a great day and week. Love you all!
Sincerely Cheryl~
