Post for today

Here's my drawing for today. Its a commison I did for a girl on Gaia on my art shop. Its of her and her boy friend. I had a lot of fun coloring her dress. :)

I'M SORRY!

I totally didn't have time to post or draw yesterday... I feel awful... ok... Mattie, Meghan... what should my punishment be? ;_; Well any way, to make up for yesterday, here is 3 drawings, one I drew two days ago, but what ever. XD

The first one I drew today. Its so post to me me, driving to UCO with no air conditioning, and sweating. XD haha... Its so miserable, I can't wait till fall! Cooler weather, OH YEAH! :D second one from two days ago, its just a random drawing, idk, lol, guess I wanted to practice drawing two people on a page. And the third one, its from Gaia, from the recent event they just had. I love Gaia! lol! XD any way, I love you all! <3 take care. :)

Fail....

Im sorry I didn't post yesterday! I fail... ;_; things just got so busy. But I promise I did draw! Im just posting yesterday and todays drawings on this blog. :)

Ok, so the flowers I drew yesterday, and the girl I drew today. :) yay, so back on scedual. Well yesterday was really fun, I cooked for the first time chicken curry. It turned out pretty good! It was the first meal I think I've ever cooked that I was actually very pleased with. Im going to work harder on my cooking from here on out. :) Today, I finally worked in my garden some. Man it looked and still looks like a jungle. I really let it get wild and out of control. It needs a lot more work. Well I'll post again tomorrow. Meghan, Mattie, Becky, I love you girls! I know now that all our classes are starting to settle in, things are going to get a lot more stressful and difficult, and its going to be harder to keep in contact. But I'm praying for you all, and Im so thankful we have these blogs to keep in touch too. I love you all so much! God bless you my amazing sisters in Christ! ^__^ <3 take care, and have a blessed week. :)

cant think of a title. lol XD

Ok, I just had to post this fast because I have to go to work in like 15 mins lol. I didn't have much time to draw today, so I got it done early this morning. Here's my drawings for today. I saw of pic of a girl with red hair and had to draw this, I love red hair, or just vibrant colorful hair in general. Yesterday I saw a girl at UCO with bright pink hair, it was AWESOME! Mattie you would have loved it! X3 wahh... I sort of want to bleach a part of my hair and have like a blue highlight. It'd be cool! any way, Oh! and when I went to the library yesterday I couldn't find any art books, but I found two cooking books, one over how to cook Thai food and the other Vietnamese food! Im so excited to try out some of the recipies. Tomorrow Im going to cook for Tiger and my mom a thai recipie called Chicken Masman Curry, I hope I do a good job! Thai food is sopost to be really spicy, so I hope I dont make it to spicy. lol! Oh and I found a book about mushrooms. Dont ask why, but I find mushrooms really fasinating and cute! So Im excited to read about them, learn more about them, and also help me draw them! ^^

I put mushrooms on her shirt because with her hair it reminded me of pizza. LOL! XD Dude if I had red hair, I'd totally wear a shirt with mushrooms on it. XD Any way, hope you all have a great day! love you! ^_^

I want to spend my vacation at the Library!

Omg!! you have to HAVE to listen to this song right now!! I LOVE it! I had heard this song a long time ago, a techno version with a girl singing it. But yesterday I found this version, its a guy singing it, and I love it so much more! And the video is so beautiful too! Which leads into my drawings for today. :)


Since being inspired by this song, I wanted to try and draw a girl looking up at the stars. Turns out, it was WAAAAY harder to draw then I thought. Here were some of my attempts. The really big more realistic looking one I actually looked up a reference of someone looking up to help me beause I had no idea where to even start on drawing some one looking up. That one took me like an hour to get it right, it still looks weird. Gahhh, lol! drawing people looking up is sooo hard! XD who would have guessed it. The other ones were my atempt at the same thing but anime style. a little easier then realistic style. haha. but yeah. Heres my drawings for today. :D

So today I was looking at cartoon girls blog, and man, she is amazing! In her most recent post she had gone to a book store specifically to find books about flowers and gardens with lots of pictures, to help her practice drawing them. What a great idea right?! I never think of just going to a book store or library to get books to reasearch and practice from for fun and to get better at drawing. :D Its such a great idea! Today Im going to go over to the UCO library after class and find some art books and other fun books to help me get inspired and try drawing different things. Ive been thinking I'd like to try drawing animals. ^^ Im so excited. And today in my computer class we are sopost to be learning about what is on the inside of your computer. I have NO IDEA! lol! Im excited to find out what is in there, its a mystery. XD << my class is at 3:30 so I've just been drawing all morning. :)

Last night hehe, ok. wait I'll go back a couple days. Ok so like a couple of days ago my mom wanted me to cook fried rice for her, so I did, but gahhh! Im a horrible cook, I accidently put in to much oil, so the rice was nasty and gross, too much oil. So latley Ive been like determined to make GOOD fried rice. I really want to master it. >< Because I've made it many times, and have never been happy with it. So any way, haha, last night I tried again, and well, it turned out way better then before, but this time I put in way to many spices that over powered the rice completly, so next time I will remember to put in lest spices, and the spices actually be fresh, like fresh ginger instead of just a dried spice in a jar. lol XD Im so excited, I really want to become a better cook, and learn how to cook new and healthy dishes. Im going to work hard, oh! Maybe I will look for a cook but at UCO too. :D yay!

Well this is getting long, so I'll wrap this up. Hope you all have a wonderful day. We should go to the asian market Saturday and have a girls day, just saying. ^_~ haha!! love you all! thanks for reading! ^^ <333 Bye! :D

Oh, and also I just wanted to say, thank you so much Meghan and Mattie for your advice on my post about Tiger stuff. I really appreciate it, and your advice helped a lot. I just wanted to say thank you and Im so thankful you two are my friends, I love you! Thank you for always being there for me. ^^ and Im so glad we have these blogs, its like even now with college going on, we can still talk to each other and know how one another is doing through our blogs, but we still need to hang out! haha! *coughs* Saturday? :D Love you!! ok, now the blog is over. XD

Here is the reference pic I used for the big head. XD

An Old Mansion

So it was so weird, my dream last night. It took place at this old mansion, a mansion that has been in one of my other dreams from a couple months ago. It was so cool to dream about it again! Its such a beautiful mansion, almost castle looking. I know for sure Mattie you were in the dream, and I vaguely remember Meghan, Ethan, and one other person there. In the dream there was an old woman living there, which was differen't from my last dream where it was an old man living there. lol! anyway. In the dream the old woman couldn't take care of the place herself, so she was hiring people to take care of it for her. It was funny cause in the dream she was my next door neighboor. Crazy right! any way she ended up hiring all of us to work there. I was in charge of taking care of the gardens which were wild, and filled with weeds and brush so I had to clear all of it out. I cant remember what Meghans job was, but I remember Ethan was in charge of sweeping and dusting off all the old statues out side and inside the mansion. And Mattie was in charge of cleaning in the house, such as changing bed sheets, and curtains, and other various things. I remember telling Mattie not to go into one room, the nursury room, because a child had died in there or something a long time ago. Very creepy. 0.0 Then later in the dream it was weird because I found out that the old woman had a grandson who was to inherit the mansion and all of his grandmothers fortune. He was sopost to be our age, very handsome and a gentlemen with an already good fortune. I remember running to Mattie and telling her, and we were joking that if the grandson fell in love with her it'd be like a disney movie or like Pride and Prejudice, like she would get to come and live in the beautiful mansion with a prince like guy. haha! In the dream we were like laughing and being all girly about the grandson, and wanting to meet him. Sadly we never got to see what he looked like, he was sopost to be comeing by the mansion to visit his grandmother, but I woke up before he did! Sadness!! Maybe I'll dream about it again Mattie! lol! And we can meet him! XD lol! but it was a very interesting dream non the less. XD maybe I dreamed it cause we have been talking about like fairy tales and stuff lately, Im not sure. XD

This is kind of what the mansion looked like only, a lot bigger and more castle like, and the property looked a lot different as well.


Any way. haha! todays been good. I cut off the colars of some of my old t-shirts and they look a lot better. I'm wearing one right now. It was my old Jave Daves shirt from when I used to help out there a long time ago. lol! it looks so much cuter with the colar cut off. :D

Here are my drawings for today, some of these I actually drew last night, but thats ok. XD theres still some on there from today. :) Any way, yeah... I'm very rusty at drawing guys and they look more like girls! D: I need to practice harder! Well I have to head off to work, talk to you all later! take care! ^__^ <3

If you want something, you have to work hard for it.

So lately I have realized something. I sit and complain, hope and wish I was a great artist, I had a good job, I made my own clothes, and had my own business and sold stuff. Then it hit me. If I want those things, I HAVE to work for them, they are not going to just be handed to me on a silver platter. Sure, some people have nataural talent and drawing comes really easey to them, but If I work hard, I can get good too. Practice Practice PRACTICE. I want to be a good artist, and I will be. SO, I am going to post a drawing every day on my blog, no exceptions, if I do... hm... can you guys help me think of a punishment? haha, Im going to do this guys, no joke. >:)

I realize I waaaay to often complain in my head or to other people that, well, this or that person gets everything handed to them, its not fair, they have connections, they have support from their family, not just in words of encouragement but they get financial support as well, or everything works out for other people but not me. Well boo hoo... I could sit here and say life's not fair, and well, life is not fair. But just because some one may have it easier, doesn't mean I should complain, I probably have it better then most people and I should be thankful. I'll work harder, I'm going to try and not just sit on my butt. :P Im going to start going after the things I want. Not comparing myself to anyone, but my own standers if I am giving it my all. And I also realize, its not like people who may seem like they have it easier then me do nothing either, they are working hard too, with what they have. They aren't being lazy, they are going after their dream, and I really admire that about them. I'm going to use what God has given me, my situations in life, my finances, and the support I have from my friends will keep me strong, even if my family does not support me. Thats part of growing up and being an adult right? :) any way, I'll stop rambling. No more wishing, now Im going after my dreams, and soon those wishes and dreams, will become a reality. ^^ Thanks everyone for reading this. Love you all! ^_^ <333 Remember to always follow your dreams and never give up!

Drawing for today:
Some quick sketches. I realize I draw girls way to much, tomorrow... Im going to practice drawing guys. ><

Here is a shirt today that I remade into this.

It was a lot of fun, I just cut the sleaves off, sewed the hole on the left side and made an off the shoulder shirt. :) I leared how to do this and got inspired to do this, when I came across by accident today on youtube a girl who had all these fun tutorials to take big XL t-shirts and make them super cute! Here's a link to her youtube. Salinabear You should totally try it! Its tons of fun! I have so many old huge t-shirts, I think Im going to remake a lot of them into fun stylish shirts that I can wear to college. :)

A Secret Land

Nobody knows who I am.
Maybe you would understand.
Anybody knows in the end, Im cought in a secret Land.



I found this song a couple days ago, I really love it. :) If you skip to like 1:47 it will be about right point when the lyrics start to come in. The intro is really long. lol XD Idk, this song just fits my personality if that makes sense. hehe, I love techno and trance music. Its like my comfort music, I always listen to it when Im sad, happy, peaceful, you name it, every mood, it just helpes me calm down and relax. :)

Today is the last day of summer... I will make it count! I will create a Secret Land in reading, drawing, painting, and relaxing this day. I hope you all have a wonderful last day of summer as well. Take care!

Believe in Your Choice

When you get an opportunity, just face to it and take it if you can instead of being afraid or avoiding it.

I believe you can do anything if you deal with it properly. Whatever the result will be, just stick with your choices, dont regret or fret.-Nancy Z.


I found these words of encouragement on her blog today. They stood out to me, becuase I'm facing some hard choices in my life right now. They are even difficult for me to talk about them on this blog, to anyone... I avoid talking about it, because I AM afraid. :(

My boyfriend, the topic is scary for me to talk about it, but I need some advice. Ok... well here it goes. I believe he is in love with me and wants to marry me. Definetly not anytime soon, but in the future, he's mentioned it, brought up stuff about it, or hinted at it. For some reason it scares me to death thinking about the future, and all that stuff. I still feel like a kid, and want to be one for quite a while longer. I dont feel ready to be an adult, to get married or any of that. It frightens me to my core. There are things I want to do first, things I have to do, dreams Ive dreamed since I was a little girl, sure some girls dream of getting married and what not, but my dream was always different. It was to complete Cloud Keepers, a story that I want to bring to life through animation. Animation a career I have not even started on yet, and who knows how long it will be till I finish graduating, and then finally being able to work on Cloud Keepers. I cant really explain this calling I have, but it feels like its just something I have to do, like drinking water every day or breathing, its just this over powering desire to fullfill this childhood dream. Once its complete I feel I'll be able to settle down, but for now, Its just so important to me... maybe even more important than marrige. It sounds so bad I know. Its not that I dont like my b/f or any thing, cause I do a lot... but also here goes into the next thing Im going to talk about..

Ok... yes I do really like him a lot, but Im not sure yet if Im in love. But Ive realized, possibly a big part of why, is because Im not allowing myself to. I know once I do, Im voulnerable, everything will change. Change scares me a lot. Im afraid of getting hurt or hurting him. I'm worried if he's the one, but some times I feel he is... You know its funny, I always was searching, looking, waiting, hopeing for that amazing christian guy to come and sweep me off my feet, I thought Id never find him, and thought having a b/f would make me happy and solve everything. Turns out... its not what I wanted. And Tigger, he was always there, pursuing me quietly from the side, though I tried and tried to push him away, he stayed true to his heart and never gave up on me. In time that won me over, and I decided to give him and dating a try. I realize now though, having a b/f is not really whats most important. I see now, more than anything, I wanted to find myself, be happy in my skin and body, love myself, and discover who I truley am first. I was on my way, but not fully there before we started dadting. Perhaps I did make a mistake in dating him before I was ready, but then again we never know whens the right time we just have to take a risk and jump in the water, or we will never know. I'm having a hard time now trying to decide if its best to continue in the relationship while still trying to discover who I am, or break it off for a while to allow myself to learn on my own. It definetly feels harder in the relationship, then it was on my own. I have to put his feelings first, which isn't bad, but when your only taking care of your self, things are easier, and you can focus sololy on what you need to. Part of me feels Im meant to learn the rest of who I am in the the relationship, and the other half of me doesnt. I know Tigger is so loving, kind, and patient, he'd probably wait for me if I asked him to, in order for me to find myself. But that feels so selfish, and I also have this sad feeling I'd loose him forever If I did. Its all thrown up in the air, Im so confused about everything. All I know is he is in love with me, and is so sure and confident in his feelings but Im not. Im unsure about everything in my life, my job, the career I want to go in, what I really want out of life and in a partner.

All my life I've had this image, fantasy I guess you could say of the dream ideal guy I was looking for. I always had this feeling that he was just out of reach and Id never find him for a long long time then out of know where, he'd come and sweep me off my feet. He'd be everything I wanted and more and I'd be in love and he'd love me. He'd be christian, cute, asian or white, an artist, loved the same music as me, was a dreamer, and had a passion for what he did. Id admire him and it would be flowers and daiseys, we would get married and work on art together. blah blah.. I had this whole list. lol... I lived in such a fantasy world, had such high expectations, and thought I knew exactly what it'd be like, and how I should feel. I based it off of movies, books, you name it. I felt that in real life itd be just like those books and movies. True love and nothing else.

Yeah... funny how things are completly different then what you thought in real life. Tigger is every thing I was not expecting, but at the same time everything I was. He's actually way different then me. He's a scientifical kind of guy, he likes to read, and is very smart. Hes more a simple realistic guy, sees the world as it is, accepts it and loves it. He's a God fearing man, in love with the Lord, and a passion to serve him, and be loving servent to others. Hes very down to earth and wise beyond his years. I on the other hand am artsy, daydreamer, not practical at all, I see the world and want to live in my own world, some where I find better, I like to dream and imagine things differently, be creative, I dont like reality, Im imature, and still holding on to my childhood tightly.

The more I get to know him though, the more I admire things about him, and he teaches me things I never knew about. Its so weird, because like I said I thought Id be with some one who liked the same things as me, but since we are differen't we show eachother different things about oursleves and learn different things. He shows me how to see the world a little more realisticaly and practically I guess you could say, and I show him how to see the world from a more daydream sort of view, lol, if that makes sense. XD any way... I feel he is helping me grow up a bit though and let go of some of my child hood things. I dont want to, but really, Im 20 years old... there is a time when I have to start to grow up, and its now about that time. He helps me with that... and also... here's the next thing...

He treats me so nicely, hes so good to me it blows my mind that I can't even fathom it. He treates me like Im the rarest treasure in the world, and would do anything for me. He's so respectful to me, and never ever tries to touch me in an inapropriate area, or is to forward. He's very patient. Really its so hard for me to explain, he treats me better even then I imagined a guy would treat me, like how i dreamed the guy I'd be with would treat me, he treates me even better then that. No guy has ever treated me like he does, or made me feel he was never going to hurt me or change his mind. I can tell he's sincere in every word he says, and I feel he really sees me, the real me, and doest just look past me. With so many guys I felt they just never saw me, that I was never good enough. Like they would maybe like me for a while, but then change their minds. Or I felt they thought I was ugly or not pretty enough, what ever you name it. With other guys my self confidence would drop and Id feel Id always have to work hard around them for them to like me, or accept me. Not with tiger, he makes me feel beautiful all time time. I could be wearing sweats and a t-shirt with glasses and he still thinks Im beautiful... some times its almost annoying how much he compliments me, because I dont see what he does, and I'll feel I dont look good, but he thinks I do. Its almost so foreign to me, all of this, having a b/f, and him treating me like this. Im not used to it, and it scares me some times how strong his feelings are for me... I guess Im just so confused, why its so hard for me to open up to him, and why Im so scared of everything. Its all a blurr, and Im torn between everything. Part of me really feels God brought tiger in my life for a reason, cause he really could be the one. I dont think another guy in the world is going to love me like how he does. There has to be a reason, and Tiger prays so much about me and the relationship. He says stuff like God must have shown mercey on him for allowing him to be with me. ;_; Tiger doesn't even feel worthy to be with me. Its crazy. I guess this is just all so new to me and scary. I didn't think anything like this would be happeneing to me for a long long time, and now its here, and I have to make very important desicions from here on out. I can't be afraid of these choices and desicions forever,Im going to have to face them eventually. I cant keep avoiding them, or avoiding talking about them. Im going to pray harder about all of these things as well, and thank you all so much for reading this. Im sorry it was so long... >< Love you all. God Bless

All the wasted time?! D:

Man... I seriously wasted soooo much of my summer not reading!! Why haven't I read more?! Its soooo fun!! Ive been hooked on a book called The Looking Glass Wars, its amazing! Seriously! I cant put it down, and I carry it with me every where in the house. I'm a pretty slow reader, but I have been reading this one fairly fast. :) I'm excited to know there is a sequal to this book as well. ^^ ahhh... I love how you escape the world for a bit when your reading, its like you dont think about anything else, I love it. I went to sleep last night thinking and dreaming about the book. :) Im going to draw some fan art for it soon. :)

So, I'm going camping in 2 days in the Colorado Rocky Mountains. I really need to start packing. I'm not exactly sure what to bring, but we are gonna have to rough it out for 4 days with no showers and flushing toilets. Sorry to be so blunt but I reeaaallly hope I dont start my monthy cycle while we are camping, how much would that suck right? D: ugh... lol! >< In a way Im scared to rough it out in the wilderness with only a tent, but maybe the experience will help me appreciate better all the luckuries I have at home. >< haha. Im also scared of wild animals like bears and mountain lions. Pray that we dont get malled! ;_; Im going to bring a lot of books and paper and paints and pencils to draw a lot while we are there. :) I hope it will help me get more inspired. Im starting to worry a little to much about this trip. It should be a fun relaxing time, but Im sort of freaking myself out. It will be leaving my comfort zone for sure, but Its an adventure. Im very excited to see all the beautiful scenery and just be in nature, away from everything for a while. I really am looking forward to seeing forests and majestic mountains. ^_^ <3